Monday, February 25, 2013

Snow days and normal

I officially feel like I don't have a job.  Let me list the full days of work I've worked in the past two weeks.

Monday - regular schedule
Tuesday - 1 hour activity schedule
Wednesday - All School Mass for Ash Wednesday then I left after lunch
Thursday - 1 hour activity schedule AND I left early
Friday - sick day
Monday - no school, presidents day
Tuesday - regular day
Wednesday - regular day with random field trips to the windows for snow checks.
Thursday - snow day for me AND the hubs
Friday - snow day - just for me (where I pretty much did school stuff at home)
Monday - another snow day.

In reality, I have had 3 regular school days in the past 2 weeks and one day . . . and I kind of miss my students.  And school.  And normal.  I'd really like normal.  I don't really know what normal is.  I went from dating (that was pretty normal and nice) to engaged (not normal or calm or low key whatsoever!!). Then I went from married and pregnant to married and not pregnant.

Yeah, those early/sick days?  We found out we had miscarried our little one (pretty sure we conceived on our wedding night) on Ash Wednesday and miscarried him on Valentines day.  Fun memories of our first V  day, huh?

I don't want to go into bitter diatribe on how awful this was or how bummed I am and that I don't understand.  Or go on about how when anyone mentions babies or sonograms I can hold it in for about 30 minutes but then in the comfort of only my husband I'll start crying again.  At least right now, I don't want to go into it.  I may in the future.

I am, however, kind of ready to figure out what our married normal is.  Because I've been craving normal and non-overwhelming.  (Pregnancy came with uncertainty and scary and worry and house shopping because I am TERRIFIED of going up and down our tiny one bedroom condo steps with a baby).  Plus all the after the wedding craziness of thank you notes and sorting and cleaning and such.  All in all, overwhelming stuff.

On our joint snow day, Frank and I got the house sorted.  It was awesome!  Until we went to pick up the rest of his stuff from his former roommate's house and it landed in our collective living room/dining room.

Even though once again we have stuff strewn everywhere, I am happy.  I couldn't have asked for a better, more supportive, prayerful Catholic husband.  While I was at home in pain, he was right there with me hooking us up with Warehouse 13 episodes on his computer.  And when I needed to cry, he was there.  When he needed to cry I got to be there too.  And when it was over and we needed to pray, he prayed just what I would have prayed if it were me.

So even if I don't have normal, I have God and I have Frank.  And that's the perfect beginning of normal.

I wonder if we'll have school tomorrow . . .